She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
