A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
