Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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