It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
