"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
