I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
