he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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