No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
