look no pants
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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