Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize