Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
