I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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