his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
