i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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