Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
