I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
