he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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