She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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