Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
