If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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