Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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