i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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