im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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