that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
