I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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