I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
