but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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