Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
