well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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