i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
