This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
