your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
