so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
