i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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