my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
