I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
