i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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