Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
