Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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