i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
