I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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