It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
