Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
