Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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