just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
