I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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