i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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