Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
