I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
