ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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