have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
