I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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