I molested 6 butterflies tonight
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
