Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
