I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
