Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
