Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
