he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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