at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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