So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Boobs speak an international language.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
