Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
