I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
