The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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