id be glad to
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
