last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
