Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
