But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
