Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
