I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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