Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
