You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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