My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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