Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i've created a new STD.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
