i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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