I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
