My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize