Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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