How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize