sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
