i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
