i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
