hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
