If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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