Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
