i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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