We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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