Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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