Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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