The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I love you.
Bad choice
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
