Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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