Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
